Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
