i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
