well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
