I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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