What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
