so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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