I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
