I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
