We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just pynch a tree in the face
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
