R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
