I need to stop coming to work sober
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
