i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
