She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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