bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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