CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
