How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
