as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
