I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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