Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
