you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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