Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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