im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you traded sex for a burrito?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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