btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
