just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
