ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
