oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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