then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
