You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
