May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
