I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ketchup is God's man juice
and i looked up. we had an audience...
two words: eviction party
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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