Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
