At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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