i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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