I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
