I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
