I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
