i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
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My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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