My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
