thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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