My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
