This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
