he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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