Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
