his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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