What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
