So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
