The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
