The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
