Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
