I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
