PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
