I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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