U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
