I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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