And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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