i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
