I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
