She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
