Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
