Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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