My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
