I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
