he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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