she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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