and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
