I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
