his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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