We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
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Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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