He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
