dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
