I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
