everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
