Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
