and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
